meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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