oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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