I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
