it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
