Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
