How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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