I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
