so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
