We named our party play list daddy issues
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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