i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
