im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
