the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Best friends brother. Beat that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
