What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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