just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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