Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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