I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
