i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
