Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
