your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
