why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My pussy is not your playground.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
