she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
