I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I didn't notice because vodka
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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