I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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