We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
