just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
