New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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