she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
