I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
