I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
