I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
