I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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