mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
