She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
