Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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