i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
