He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize