You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
