weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
