you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
