I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
