dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
