i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
