dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
As shirtless as possible
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
