you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
