so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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