I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize