I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
