Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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