My balls are so social today.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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