oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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