Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
