a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize