So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
