Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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