When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
