Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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