he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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