we have pet lesbian snakes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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