oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
