He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
