Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
