Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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