Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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