Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
