And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
