Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
