I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
