I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
