it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
