You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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