i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
