I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
