But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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