I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
