Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
