Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
