Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
