It was confusing and full of hummus
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
