...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
