When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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