You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize