If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
